Scrapped Episode Ideas for That’s So Raven

1. Raven is walking home from school. Close-up on her face, contorting in classic, humorous fashion, eyes beaming through the constellations, suggesting divine possession. We see in a special effects cloud of premonition—the future: Raven stooping to find a five-dollar bill.

She snaps to. POV Raven looking at the sidewalk. We see a five-dollar bill.

“Score!” she says.

2. Raven is having dinner with the crew. Close-up: a vision of Chelsea eating an egg roll. Chelsea wrinkles her strong nose in distaste. She runs to the bathroom. Graphic montage of Chelsea expelling all liquids from her body. Some solids. Soft jazz plays. The scene is slightly pornographic in nature. Close-up on Chelsea’s eye emitting a lone tear—the last drop of liquid in her body. She dies. The remainder of the episode is her funeral: a rousing yet poignant eulogy from Eddie, several moments of silence, a meditation on young death that verges, at times, on the metaphysical. Raven learns how to play the harp. She plays for Chelsea when the house is empty. She begins to heal.

The vision ends. Raven looks into Chelsea’s baby browns and says, “Don’t eat that egg roll.”

Chelsea doesn’t.

3. Raven is doing something wacky. As per usual. Like dressing up as her teacher or bathing in hot glue or something. Close-up on her face as she has a vision. Next week’s episode plays in its entirety. Raven comes to. She shrugs and sighs, visibly exhaling some eternal wisdom.

4. Raven has her wisdom teeth removed. Hopped up on Percocet, she must go a week without visibly emoting.

5. Just another day at the Chill Grill. Door chimes tingle, harkening the entrance of new customers. It’s the Cheetah Girls. Things get awkward quickly.

6. We watch Corey eat breakfast in real time.

7. In a grueling, gritty, Blair Witch-esque maybe-a-documentary, Eddie ditches his addiction to huffing glue.

8. Raven invests in the stock market. She bets on several greyhound races. She grabs lunch with Heath Ledger. She distances herself from Enron. Eddie grows up to be straight-edged gentleman, quiet but wise. Raven is never on The View. Raven’s Home Again is a modest hit. Raven and Chelsea remain friends throughout challenging motherhoods, then rewarding senior years. In a bizarre twist of fate, the two are placed in the same hospice ward. Both women are dying of old age. Raven pulls back the curtain separating their hospital beds. She is disguised as a pregnant doctor for no discernible reason. “Now that?” Raven says, leaning in closer, “Is so Raven.”

Sophie Dillon

Sophie Dillon


is still figuring it out.

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