Shocking! Study Finds That Getting Hair Wrap While on Vacation as a Child Leads to Being an Adult White Person With Dreadlocks

In a recent study from the University of Vermont, researchers visited an outdoor music festival to gather data and found that 78% of all white women with dreadlocks once paid for a hair wrap while on a trip to Puerto Rico over spring break in middle school. 

“These women returned to suburban schools in which they were the envy of their soccer teams,” says Dr. Justine Blickman, a researcher involved in the study. “They then became dependent on that feeling of milquetoast rebellion and began wearing store-bought tie-dye, taking up cigarettes, and purchasing leggings adorned with images of marijuana leaves.”

After eventually dating a man who dropped out of their high school five years ago, these women dreadlock their hair as a final way of shocking their childhood friend’s moms.

“Peace and love,” said one of the women interviewed. Upon further questioning, she clarified “Peace and love…is what it’s about. I learned that in Puerto Rico.” The subject, who goes by ‘NightLily DragonStar’ had the telltale signs of an advanced case, displaying a tattoo of the chemical structure of LSD and two unvaccinated children.

“Once this process has been set in motion, it is incredibly difficult to reverse,” says Blickman, “The best method of treatment is prevention. But there are some steps that can be taken. When a loved one begins posting pictures on social media with captions like, ‘tell me something that I don’t know… Life is fast joints burn slow…’ take the opportunity to reach out.” 

And what of the other 22% of dreadlocked white adults? According to the study, causes can range anywhere from being homeschooled to attending Counting Crows concerts, or DJ-ing.


Willow Giannotti-Garlinghouse

Willow Giannotti-Garlinghouse

they/them

has an attitude problem. They are a nonbinary artist and performer based in Connecticut, and they’re really into turmeric.

Instagram: @beeteebabe

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