Bethany Rensselear just discovered there’s an easy way out of any workplace request: simply look your supervisor dead in the eye and say, “I could be menstruating right now.”
“My boss asked me if I wouldn’t mind staying late to finish his report and I just said it,” Bethany shared. “His jaw dropped, and he walked away.”
Since the discovery, Bethany has worked relentlessly to further her research. She finds that typically, after simply uttering the words “menstruating,” “menstruation,” or “my bloody, bloody vagina,” the supervisor will immediately cease and desist. In the rare case of a skeptical listener, Bethany advises to repeat the phrase once more, in a slightly lower register: “I could be menstruating right now. Is that really something you want to risk?”
What if — and Bethany assures us this does happen — your boss is a woman, fully aware that blood seeping out of your uterus bears no correlation with the ability to execute basic tasks? Katie Greenwood experienced this exact phenomenon just last week.
“My boss Amanda asked if I could go buy cookies for a client meeting and I told her that I might be menstruating,” Katie said. “She just responded, ‘Oh, I didn’t know that. Are you okay?’ Then we started talking about what drugs we take to deal with the excruciating pain that we have inexplicably normalized! I take Naproxen, while she prefers hitting the daily limit of Advil once a month. We decided to skip the client meeting and take ourselves out for cookies instead.”
There’s no denying the epic ramifications of Bethany’s breakthrough. This could lead to a future in which women with multiple degrees are no longer roped into cleaning up after the office potluck, sending handmade invitations to the holiday party, or picking up coffee because the 20-year-old male intern is busy.
We’re all grateful to Bethany and everything she’s done for us.
is a playwright, media strategist and beet enthusiast living in Brooklyn.